Stanky Stuff
Since we are talking about “brands” of stuff this week, I thought I’d review a few items in my bathroom. In fact, what brought this thought on was disgust with something in my bathroom this morning. I know, this could be so many things! But it was actually something you wouldn’t expect to be disgusting. So obviously, the first review is less than stellar.
Have you ever encountered a drunk baby? No, I certainly hope not because the very idea is outrageous! But can you imagine what a drunk baby might smell like? Just think about a thick fog of white baby powder mixed with noxious, undulating alcohol fumes around a poor, sweet infant. It’s just repugnant, is it not? So why on earth would I want to spray something that made me think of this atrocity on my hair and then expose others to it by going out in public? I do not want to do this. Yet, as I sit here typing, my nose is afflicted by this very acrid smell. What is the source? 
Dove Hair Therapy, Style + Care, Strength & Shine, Extra Hold Hairspray. Aside from having the longest name ever, it also wins the stinkiest ever hairspray prize. Even the smallest amount of this hairspray will make your hair smell like an extremely elderly lady who’s lost her sense of smell, and has applied copious amounts of perfume under the assumption she is covering the stench of her abscessing corpulence, but without realizing she is only adding funk to fetor.
So, you might be asking yourself why I have applied this pungent vulgarity to my head today? The simple answer, my dear friend, is that I was too lazy to go downstairs and get my other hairspray.
Aside from the stank, I have not found its “hold” to be either Extra or Strong, and any Shine that it induces is very short-lived. So, in my opinion, this Hair Therapy needs some serious therapy of its own. I will not be using it again! (Unless, of course, I forget to take my other hairspray upstairs.)
Can’t Keep Your Hands off Your Face
Next up is something I love! You know how you sometimes get these tiny little samples of things and you never use them? You get them out of a magazine or something and they just sit on your counter or go directly in your trash. Well, a few years ago I bought a magazine. Something I rarely ever do because I can just flip through them while I wait in line at the grocery store and be done with it. But for some reason I bought this magazine, either because I was in it, or it had Ryan Reynolds on the cover. Anyway, this magazine had one of those samples in it. And of all the crazy things, I decided to actually try this sample. And. I. Loved. It! I went out and bought it the next day. So, what is it? Well, I wasn’t even quite sure what it was when I bought it, but it made my skin feel so soft I had to have it. The product is called L’Oreal Paris, Magic Perfecting Base, Face Primer/Perfecteur De Teint, by Studio Secrets Professionals. What is it with absurdly long product names these days? Do you see how I was confused about its purpose? For brevity’s sake, let’s just call this stuff Pink Awesomeness.
One time I wore this stuff to a modeling job. I was supposed to come with a clean face, but I couldn’t resist putting some Pink Awesomeness on my lids and under my eyes. The young makeup artist was super impressed with how silky my skin was around my eyes, but confused because the rest of my face didn’t feel the same. I just told her it was due to aging.
So if you like touching your face and being surprised by how amazing it feels, buy some Pink Awesomeness.
Chaotic Cleanliness
Next, is another thing that is just the best. A few years ago, my lovely friend came over while I was getting ready for an event. She noticed my makeup strewn all across my bathroom counter top, encroaching on The Hubster’s sacred counter space (he’s a neat freak). By the time I was done putting on my elaborate makeup (it was a costume event), I was looking at some serious cleanup time. A week later I learned that my friend, who is an extremely tidy and organized person, was so appalled by the mess I made that she felt the need to take action. So, she gave me this for my birthday…
The Lay-n-Go Cosmo Cosmetics Bag. It spreads out with all of my eclectic makeup on top of it, and when I am done getting ready, I simply pull the drawstring and cinch up all of my cosmetics in a neat little bundle of chaotic cleanliness. It is great for traveling too. My makeup is already packed. Most of the stuff in this bag is just-in-case-stuff that I rarely ever use. I also have a just-in-case-stuff drawer full of old makeup that I never open. Actually, I have a lot of just-in-case-stuff drawers all over my house with random what-if items like old business cards, old phone chargers, old CD’s, bottle tops, used batteries, etc. Yes, I just opened a drawer and saw all of that stuff, and no, I can’t think of a single instance in which I might need any of these items. My house is in serious need of a gigantic Lay-n-Go bag that I can toss out with the trash. Wait, I guess that would just be a garbage bag.
Is it a Bird or a Plane?
The last thing I’ll review today is something I’m on the fence about. I’m pretty sure it’s the greatest, but I’ve only been using it for a few days, so the jury’s still out on this one. I’m going to go ahead and give it the benefit of the doubt and give it a thumbs up. Keep in mind I am not a hair care professional. You may have deduced as much when I spoke of the hairspray a few paragraphs earlier. So, this product may not blow your mind like it does mine. But just in case it does, you’re welcome. 
You see, my hair is very thin. Sometimes I even think I’m going bald. So, I had been using gel and mousse and hairspray (the downstairs kind, not the Dove so much because it stinks) to give my hair some much needed body. But a few weeks ago, after my friend colored my hair, she handed me a product that seems ingenious to me. It’s called Redken Stay High 18 and the small print says High-Hold gel to mousse. Say what? Is it a gel? Is it a mousse? Butter my butt and call me a biscuit, it is both! How is this possible, you might ask? A gel is globby, and a mousse is frothy. True enough, but this is the transgender product of hair care. It comes out of the can as a globby gel and then turns into a frothy mousse as it is applied! Is that not amazing?! Even if it doesn’t turn out to work as well as I hope, I’m still enthralled by the magic of its transformation!
