For as long as I can remember I’ve been pretty insecure. I don’t want this post to be a pity party because pity parties are stupid. But in order for me to make my point, you need to know that most days there are moments, or sometimes hours, when I have a hard time liking what I see in the mirror. I’ve had people roll their eyes when I say things like this and mutter something akin to, “You were a model, what’s not to like?” But we wear our self-perceptions more prominently than our own skin sometimes. So when I think I’m anything short of awesome on the inside, I’m not satisfied with what I see on the outside either. Maybe you can relate?
So, what can be done about our faulty self-perceptions that we might think aren’t faulty, but they really are faulty, like extra salty faulty? Well, I’m not an expert, but since you asked, here is my advice to you, and me. Ready? Here it comes…
- Know your triggers – There are any number of things that we let get under our skin and make us think less of ourselves. We should avoid these things, or at least identify them and just say no. For example, when I watch 2 or 3 or 4 hours of TV at night instead of doing something productive like laundry, or dishes, or feeding my family, I start to feel guilty which makes me feel icky and ugly. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying we shouldn’t give ourselves some downtime. I’m saying we should either avoid doing things we believe we shouldn’t do, or give ourselves permission to do those things from time to time without feeling bad about it. Unless your thing is mambo no. 5, or murder. Those things are never okay.
Another one of my triggers is social media. Don’t get me wrong, I like social media for a lot of reasons (I’m a blogger for crying out loud), but there are also aspects of it that send me in a tizzy. You know those “friends” on BookFace that are always posting political rants, or judgmental articles, or perfect family photos? I see that crap and it can get me all worked up because maybe someone doesn’t like what I like, or someone has a miracle wrap that sucks the fat out of your belly and I suddenly feel like I need that, or someone is ranting about something I don’t even care about, but then I instantly develop a strong opposing opinion just to be contrary. Yeah, sometimes I read my feed and just start hating myself. So, I try to limit my online stalking. Know your triggers and don’t pull them.
- Comparison is the thief of joy – I’m just going to come right out and say it. A big reason I started this blog is because I have an arch nemesis. She doesn’t know it because we’ve never met, but deep down I’ll admit, I wish she was my best friend. She is a fashionista type I follow on Instagram and she posts the most beautifully perfect pictures of herself and her family. Always. Every. Durn. Day. How can someone look perfect every freaking day?! Most of my week is spent in pajamas, and I count myself lucky if I’ve had a shower recently. So when I’m waiting in the carpool line to pick up my daughter wearing a baseball cap to cover my greasy hair, and the same sweatpants for the third day in a row, and I open my Instagram feed and see another glamour shot of She-Who-Will-Not-Be-Named, I can’t help but die a little inside. That being said, I will now quote the wise Steven Furtick “One reason we struggle w/ insecurity: we’re comparing our behind the scenes to everyone else’s highlight reel.” Well said, sir, well said. The way we can combat comparison? Stop doing it, or start a blog showcasing your imperfections to restore balance to the universe.
- Recognize your potential – I don’t know what you believe, but I believe we all have a purpose. You can be as awesome as you want to be if you apply yourself. My husband likes to say “Live life on purpose.” For a long time those were just words to me, but slowly I’m starting to internalize what living my life on purpose might look like. It means going after the big dreams instead of always reaching for the low-hanging fruit. It means working hard for what you believe in instead of watching hours of TV. It means leaving your comfort zone instead of staying in your safety bubble called bed. It means you start feeling a fulfilling, happy kind of exhaustion at the end of a productive day. How do I know? I don’t. I just told you that I’m only starting to internalize what this might look like, remember? It was only like 6 sentences ago. Geez. But honestly, being awesome isn’t always going to be easy, but I can imagine that it’s totally worth it.
- Fake it ’til ya make it – I was a psychology major in college, but as a former mentor once pointed out, I only have my undergraduate degree so I’m not qualified to give real advice (and I wonder why I’m insecure.) However, one thing I did pick up in school was the value of positive self-talk. Not so much because it was taught in my psych classes, but rather because I had to pump myself up to pass them. My point is, there is real value in the adage fake it ’til ya make it. Especially if you say it with a southern accent. Everything sounds better with a classy southern accent. But I prefer to change the words to Pretend You’re Awesome Until You Believe It’s True. Naturally, if your positive affirmations outweigh your negative self-talk (how’s that for psych lingo, bam!) then you’ll like you more for to make happy feelings (and the neanderthal is back.) See what I did there? Positive affirmation then negative self-talk in parenthesis. How do I feel right now? Neutral. I feel neutral. Let’s try to tip the scale. Wow, this post is going really well. I’m a really enjoyable writer. I’m good enough. I’m smart enough. And doggonit, people like me! Now how do I feel? Duped. I feel duped. Just kidding…sort of. But you get my point, right? It might take some time (in my case a long long time), but if we keep telling ourselves how awesome we are, one day we won’t have to say it anymore because it will be written on our faces.
I don’t know if this has helped you, but I know I feel better already, especially since you read all the way to the end of this post. Don’t be shy, comment with your techniques for being awesome!
